I guess I was fortunate that I was taught forgiveness without genuine repentance on the other side is pointless, and generally not something to do.

Catholic doctrine, if I remember correctly.

A more (but probably still imperfect) description of Catholic doctrine would be repentance + forgiveness = reconciliation; either repentance of forgiveness on their own is incomplete, but not undesirable for the party doing it .

> I guess I was fortunate that I was taught forgiveness without genuine repentance on the other side is pointless, and generally not something to do.

> Catholic doctrine, if I remember correctly.

?!?! That's not Catholic doctrine at all. Not that it's well practiced, but Catholics are taught to forgive, period. That doesn't mean forget. Trust, once lost, can be hard to earn back depending on how it was lost. Someone who beats you up can be forgiven, and you can still go out of your way to avoid them or to never let them stand behind you.

Ah, yes, as you're applying it, I think that's correct.

I was more thinking in the confessional, where you must truly repent for your sins to be forgiven. Which is not what's applied to daily life.

In my book, its not just that.. its forgive and forget.

You only forget if there is repentance at the other side.

forgiving is for yourself, so that you can get on with your life and not be consumed by hatred. Never forget if the other party doesn't repent.

Do that and you will be prepared to deal with re-occurance and also be more mature about it.