In this thread we find relationship advice from geeks (average HN reader I presume). It is funny because I speak as one and HN is the last place I expect to read such comments. But saying "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to offend you. Could you tell me what about what I said bothered you?" is the most technical and least pro-flirty (is that even a word?) thing I have read in this thread. As a more technical person myself, one part of me says it is appropriate to get feedback so that we can perform better next time. But the normal person inside of me screams in horror after reading it because somehow it kinds of seals the deal for it. That seems like one thing i should never say if I am interested in initiating a relationship of any kind. It just instinctively feels wrong. But hat could be just me.
At the point someone has called you out for being sexist, the relationship you should be focused on pursuing is the one with the next person, because your shot with this one is gone.
Yes! And if you're so worried about how "technical" you'll sound when asking for feedback (which you may or may not get - nobody's entitled to give it), you also miss out on the potential to get some data points to refine your approach in the future. Sounds like a good opportunity to repeat that same old mistake all over again and write it off as "I just wasn't flirty enough." Not the problem, never was the problem.
