As someone who has struggled with depression, low self worth, and felt the nauseating discomfort of when the limits of my natural abilities make violent contact with my (often unrealistic) expectations, this hits uncomfortably close to home. Hell, I’ve even been obsessively trying to learn Japanese this year. I’m sorry to learn through the submitter’s comment about the author’s demise. I hope they felt some level of success eventually, or learned to accept things for what they are.
Drive and passion are extremely valuable things, but they can be very difficult to distinguish from obsession and self destructive behavior. I guess one way to try to keep yourself from flying off the rails is to manage your own expectations. What do I expect from mastering something? Am I doing to try to show off or prove something to someone? What difference does it make if it takes me 1 year or 20? What’s the risk if I fail? Am I enjoying the process? Am I seeing progress? Do I need to make more commitments to get to the next level? How effective has beating myself up, skipping out on my responsibilities, friends, family, and other pleasurable hobbies been in my journey? Am I more or less happy in my pursuit?
I dream of being conversationally fluent in Japanese. I’d love to be able to watch films and anime with minimal help from subtitles. I’d love to be able to read it (although I’m a little scared of kanji). Through the language, I’d like to understand the culture and the history better, to feel the joy of learning something challenging. Piling on myself for being a stupid piece of shit because I can’t remember words or comprehend a sentence a native speaking toddler can understand is not only inappropriate and unreasonable, it’s also one of the biggest obstacles to achieving my goals. As I keep that in mind, I find that I’m able to thoroughly enjoy the process. Although I totally get the author’s desperation to find someone patient enough to spend time talking with and teaching me.
Drive and passion are extremely valuable things, but they can be very difficult to distinguish from obsession and self destructive behavior. I guess one way to try to keep yourself from flying off the rails is to manage your own expectations. What do I expect from mastering something? Am I doing to try to show off or prove something to someone? What difference does it make if it takes me 1 year or 20? What’s the risk if I fail? Am I enjoying the process? Am I seeing progress? Do I need to make more commitments to get to the next level? How effective has beating myself up, skipping out on my responsibilities, friends, family, and other pleasurable hobbies been in my journey? Am I more or less happy in my pursuit?
I dream of being conversationally fluent in Japanese. I’d love to be able to watch films and anime with minimal help from subtitles. I’d love to be able to read it (although I’m a little scared of kanji). Through the language, I’d like to understand the culture and the history better, to feel the joy of learning something challenging. Piling on myself for being a stupid piece of shit because I can’t remember words or comprehend a sentence a native speaking toddler can understand is not only inappropriate and unreasonable, it’s also one of the biggest obstacles to achieving my goals. As I keep that in mind, I find that I’m able to thoroughly enjoy the process. Although I totally get the author’s desperation to find someone patient enough to spend time talking with and teaching me.