Interesting article. I assume that literally no one REALLY cares about status. Credentials, degrees, accomplishments, titles impress no one. Maybe 1% of the people might think - "Oh that's cool!" at first, but then it wears off. Leverage (what can they do for me) and "good energy" (I feel my best around them) trump all of the "status" nonsense.
All humans care profoundly about prestige and status—the esteem of members of their peer group that they in turn hold in esteem.
What humans differ widely in is which status markers they hold as important.
You're right that leverage and energy are what really matter, but those can take a long time to discover correctly. Some people might do you a little favor now but turn out to generally be unreliable or not have much capacity to help over the long time. Someone might make you feel amazing right now, but it's because they are a charismatic charlatan and not an actual good person who will lift you up.
Status markers exist to be heralds of the long-term value that a person offers to their tribe. Good status markers are accurate predictors of those properties, and when we disagree about status markers, we're mostly disagreeing about how predictive we think they are and in what contexts they are reliable.
I never used Apps for that reason. I found more success increasing attraction face to face. When I started I "killed the sale" when I mentioned I owned a place , or they found out about my "high status" job. I went from "fun guy" to "serious guy" and it killed the vibe.
That's so true. I'm kinda boring, and happy as such, but dating when was in my early 20s was harder. Not impossible by any means, but it narrowed the group of women who were interested. But by the time I turned 30 it was a huge asset being boring, solidly employed, with a house, etc. I just had to wait for my time to come...
> Interesting article. I assume that literally no one REALLY cares about status. Credentials, degrees, accomplishments, titles impress no one.
I don't want to sound racist by naming specific examples, but certain cultures place a really high value on status.
In the case of America, things get complicated quickly[1] certain subcultures in America place a high value on status symbols, while others place less.
Then of course you have some sub-cultures that look down on anyone who doesn't have at least one piece of designer clothing, and another sub-culture (which may be higher status than the first!) that looks down on anyone who does wear gaudy designer brands!
[1] Of course every country has multiple sub-cultures, but some countries have traditionally been more homogenous than others, although that is also often quickly changing, making any sort of attempt at painting cultures with broad brushes less and less accurate.
I think people have thresholds for things like status. As an analogy, there is a widespread belief that income after a certain threshold doesn't contribute to overall happiness.
Very often you will hear people say "X doesn't matter!" on any number of subjects. Maybe it is height amongst males for dating. Or maybe it is income. Or maybe it is status. But what I believe is happening when people say such things is that the person saying that "X" doesn't matter is past whatever threshold is required for that aspect.
The other thing I consider is that these thresholds are actually percentiles across populations. To completely make up numbers for the sake of illustration, maybe 1% of people expect a status of "doctor" or "lawyer", 10% of people expect a status of "white collar professional", 40% of people expect a status of "gainfully employed", etc. The higher up the chain of percentiles you find your own status, the less you probably think status is important because you are noticing that once you are passed the threshold of a person they start to look for other aspects to differentiate you. Stated another way, if you have status that passes 90% of peoples thresholds, you probably think some other aspect of your character is the most important because you rarely, if ever, feel discriminated against because of your status.
This view suggests a strategy. Rather than going "all-in" on any particular aspect (e.g. seeking high-status primarily), one ought to consider all of the relevant aspects and their thresholds.
I think that broadly you're right that few people are going to be your friend solely because of your external achievements and/or status (and you really don't want to be close with anyone for whom that is the case). At the same time, while this certainly will vary person to person, I also think that it's naive to think that status has little effect. The influence of status often operates at an unconscious level so is difficult to pin down.
In the context of this article, I will say from experience that status limbo is a hard place to occupy for a long time. You often find yourself having to explain yourself when you aren't following the traditional path. It can feel alienating, particularly when you have resources that allow you to follow your inner calling that others do not. It also can be difficult to accept the ego hit that can be felt when moving from a space where you were a high achiever to one in which you are not. But also as the article says, there are many rewards if you can tolerate and persevere through the discomfort.
oh, some people definitely care about status. My friend's dad was disinvited to a family holiday because his son-in-law is a partner at a consulting firm and didn't want the blue-collar dad spoiling his reputation with his vacation home neighbors.
Be thankful you have been surrounded by people who don't so far.
