Since psychology is expressly about dysfunction, it is a reverse survivorship bias no?
And not like anyone who has gone through these situations is going to hang a sign on them that says what they’ve gone through.
All of them I know have been quite successful however, and if you walk into any ICU or Emergency department and randomly sample a nurse or Dr, at least 80% odds you’ll find they have that background if you can get them to talk.
EMT-B or EMT-P, much higher.
The world is a dangerous and scary place many times, for everyone. Chances are, you’d be shocked if you listened to your local EMS/LEO frequencies at how much even within a few miles of where you are sitting.
Most of the time, society is able to put up a facade so there is a chance everyone doesn’t have to experience it too directly or too terribly themselves, so others have a chance to live a different life.
The sick and injured get treated, the bodies get cleaned up, the threats get dealt with quickly and effectively, etc.
The people that do that, can stare it in the eye and deal with it, and that often is because they experienced it and learned how to cope or even thrive. Usually as a child.
Respect for that is more warranted than what you’re doing. They get enough shit as it is.
They can handle it though, they deal with worse every day.
Frankly I have gone through this and I have not been successful. It has held me back in every moment and every step through life. In support groups with other survivors I hear the same things over and over again: grief and loss at the people we could have been. More than a few of your "successful" high achievement individuals in those rooms in tears with the same sentiment.
I’m sorry to hear you are still suffering. I’ve been there, and yes those high achievement individuals often have too at some point.
Part of the problem is that we often focus on what could have been, instead of the wins of what was, no? Part of what makes things hard though, is if we never process/feel the bad things, we can’t move on.
When we process the pain, we can start to let go, and the wins start to come through.
It becomes a past, not a present. We can start to see the truth of what is in front of us, instead of getting stuck in an illusion.
Some learned/were able to earlier, some later. In my experience. We can look at the future more than relive the past.
Some avoid it, and that is often where true evil takes root.
‘Toughing it out’ works in the moment, but adds up over time until we hit our limits. The longer the pain stays in, the more it calcifies. Often, if it’s ‘stuck’ it’s due to something that is very difficult to see due to how bad it is.
No one comes through life without some grief and loss and pain, literally no one. Some get more than others, some handle it more than others.
In the end, we’re all dirt anyway - what matters is what we do with the time we have. I hope you find some peace. It is possible, but it is often not natural.
If you’re still struggling, there may be alternatives that can help. They do often take time and money.
I’m happy to provide some pointers or references if you’d like. No guarantees, but I have had some significant personal relief as have others. It is possible.
I am telling you that no one is better with trauma than they would have been without it. It's a simple message please hear it. I don't need anything else from you.
I don’t know where you got from my comments where trauma is good. I said quite clearly that trauma is terrible, actually?
What I did note is trauma exists, and trauma is nearly everywhere at some point unless someone goes through a lot of work protecting others from it. But also that it’s impossible to protect everyone from it all the time forever.
And that has costs that some have learned to bear better than others, and there are tools that can help if one is willing to engage with them.
It is possible to not be in pain, eventually.
That no one can be better after experiencing it depends a lot on what you mean by ‘better’. There are easier paths, of course.
A society without the people who can handle this won’t exist for long, so these
folks are important.
Society wise, I’ve known a lot of folks that society calls (justifiably, IMO) heros, and have had to trust my life to them and vice versa in situations that most people definitely, provably, can not handle. But that if not handled would cause far worse trauma to other innocent people.
And I’ve found the label appropriate. They and I have also experienced a lot of pain, and none are perfect.
I’ve held more dying men’s hands than anyone should have to. But it was important someone did it, and I was there. As to if that makes the trauma that got either of us there better, or worse, seems immaterial. It was. I feel honored to have been able to do it, and hope it provided them some peace.
I wish you and anyone else reading this the best of luck, regardless.
And not like anyone who has gone through these situations is going to hang a sign on them that says what they’ve gone through.
All of them I know have been quite successful however, and if you walk into any ICU or Emergency department and randomly sample a nurse or Dr, at least 80% odds you’ll find they have that background if you can get them to talk.
EMT-B or EMT-P, much higher.
The world is a dangerous and scary place many times, for everyone. Chances are, you’d be shocked if you listened to your local EMS/LEO frequencies at how much even within a few miles of where you are sitting.
Most of the time, society is able to put up a facade so there is a chance everyone doesn’t have to experience it too directly or too terribly themselves, so others have a chance to live a different life.
The sick and injured get treated, the bodies get cleaned up, the threats get dealt with quickly and effectively, etc.
The people that do that, can stare it in the eye and deal with it, and that often is because they experienced it and learned how to cope or even thrive. Usually as a child.
Respect for that is more warranted than what you’re doing. They get enough shit as it is.
They can handle it though, they deal with worse every day.