One time when I was younger, in my late teens, I was walking through the city around 8pm. I suddenly felt rather cold, and went through the typical 15 seconds of internal grumbling. I then had an epiphany, and walked into a nearby department store to purchase a jacket. Somehow I'd never even considered that as a possibility previously.
As silly as it may seem, I use that singular point in time as the reference for when I commenced adulthood. I've got no idea if others have similar experiences (I grew up very poor, so I was probably primed against the idea of spontaneously buying something to begin with), but the contents of this list seems to be very much in the same vein.
My similar "coming of age" moment was in a hotel in Tokyo.
I had been collecting whisky from a bunch of small liquor stores and had run out of clothes to wrap my bottles in when packing them in my suitcase, so I grabbed a towel from the bathroom.
Being a fancy hotel, I saw they had a price sheet for items that "unexpectedly" went missing, and I think the towel was like $60 or something insane. When I was a kid, I never understood why anyone would pay that much for a towel, but at midnight in my hotel, with a bottle of Japanese whisky worth far more than that potentially on the line, it suddenly clicked why someone might want to do that.
I think I put the towel back and went to the local Don Quixote (open 24/7!) and bought some cheap packing material, but in that moment I definitely understood the prioritization exercise that others I this thread have talked about (how much is my time/how valuable is this thing).
A long time ago I worked on a hotel room booking website and ended up talking to a lot of hotel reception staff during the discovery phase. One of the people I spoke to told me that most of the 'stolen' things are actually just people getting blood/vomit/poop on things and being embarrassed about it so they take them home. It's not really theft in the sense of stealing for personal gain in many cases.
Before COVID, when travel was still a thing, I stayed at a hotel in St. Louis. There was a superbly comfortable and stylish bathrobe in the room which I quite enjoyed, and on the hanger was a note saying something like “Excellent robe isn’t it? Feel free to take it with you, we’ll add it to your bill no questions asked.”
I thought it was a fun take one the whole thing and had it not been for me not having any room in my luggage I would’ve taken it. If I recall correctly the note said it was somewhere in the $50-$60 range.
>was a note saying something like “Excellent robe isn’t it? Feel free to take it with you, we’ll add it to your bill no questions asked.”
Now, imagine guests being offended and not coming back to the hotel and leaving negative reviews out of spite, even if they didn't have any intention of stealing the robe.
That would make the hotel staff less snarky and rude, and more mindful about what they write on notes to guests...
Because this is the rude equivalent of the store clerk following around the aisles assuming you're a thief. A high end hotel for the rich would never dream of writing something like this -- at least not in the good days before the race to the bottom.
That's funny, I never thought it was snarky, but now that you mention it I can see how it might be interpreted as such. Passive aggressive in a way, but I never thought of it like that. Thanks for the alternate interpretation!
But also in all fairness I'm paraphrasing, I can't recall the exact wording so it may well have been formulated much better than I make it seem.
I’d always assumed they put prices on stuff to try and make it clearer to people they were stealing by taking them, rather than just “taking the free stuff”
I always assumed it was a side source of profit -- rich tourists and businessmen. If there's a price listed, I never thought of it as inappropriate, especially given the markup.
I think if my income was 2x what it was at one point, I would have taken a hotel robe under the listed price. I've had really mixed experiences buying robes at stores and on-line. You can't tell how well they'll work wet. Hotels sometimes have really nice ones, with the upside you can try them out straight out of the shower, and see how they work.
This reminds me of the realisation that you can actually park your car anywhere you want for as long as you want, some places are just more expensive than others.
I’ve heard this generalised to “when you’re poor, rules control you, when you’re rich they just set price tags on different actions.”
Realizing I was an adult happened to me in two stages. In stage one, I realized that if I wanted a Reeses peanut butter cup, I could just buy one and eat it. Nobody could tell me not to.
As I transitioned to full-time WFH from beginning of 2020, it was "I can eat steak for dinner every day if I want to". If you're going out, a decent steak would cost you over $100, so I never considered eating it as everyday food before - but buying decent steak cuts to cook at home can be much more affordable.
Just remember that being an adult is just as much about not doing things that you could do. If you just do everything because you can and it provides gratification, then you are likely still an adolescent.
And this is for things that don't have negative externalities such as the environmental damage, animal cruelty and health downsides of eating steak every day.
Depends on how do you compare it with not being born at all.
> health downsides of eating steak every day
That differs from person to person, each with his specific problems and issues — and my neurosurgeon actually have recommended me to eat more red meat. It would also be very healthy for me if I could gain some weight.
Steak houses in the US (not places like Texas Roadhouse) like Bern's in Tampa (most famous East Coast example I know of - don't spend much time in DC or NYC) or Marks Prime for a more mass produced McDonalds approach at the same concept generally cost around $100 per head for the full experience. This includes a steak, a sauce for the steak, a side, a soup, and some fancy types of bread. The whole place will usually be done up like you are dining in a side hall of the Vatican and of course you can go up to $1,000 a head easily if you start looking at their wine bottles.
Its a staple experience of the meat eating upper middle class here in the US.
>generally cost around $100 per head for the full experience (...) The whole place will usually be done up like you are dining in a side hall of the Vatican
That's not "steak houses in the US", that's a specific type of steak house for the upper middle class. I've had excellent steaks in places like the Cattlemen's Steakhouse, OK, and they were nothing like $100 per head.
So, it's not like this was the parent's only option for steak outside the house. They could have a $30-$50 fine steak experience in tons of places.
Not sure what your point is considering that I expressly noted the existence of fast food steak houses like your example in my parent comment. I mentioned the existence of places like Longhorn Steakhouse and Outback Steakhouse which are places where you can get a $20 steak. Cattleman’s is a two dollar sign on Google indicating it’s a typical fast food steakhouse restaurant like those examples above.
Most people would draw a clear line between a hamburger and fries from McDonalds for $5 and a hamburger and fries from an upscale burger place for $20. Those steakhouses you are referencing are McDonalds equivalent and every city in America has them in additional to upscale steakhouses that are 4 dollar signs on Google. It looks like Mahogony Prime Steakhouse would an example in OK. The comment I was responding to expressed disbelief at $100 steak which is a staple of the American experience (meat eaters obviously) and not at all “just for upper middle class” Americans. Giving out a steakhouse gift card for birthdays and graduations was pretty common amongst lower class families when I was growing up. Buying a $100 steak twice a month might be upper middle class behavior but buying it once or twice per year is well within all but the lowest classes ability to purchase when desired.
>considering that I expressly noted the existence of fast food steak houses like your example in my parent comment
My point was to highlight that these are high-end places that go for the $100/head, not the common steakhouse experience, and hardly required to get a decent steak, as the parent makes it appear:
"If you're going out, a decent steak would cost you over $100"
Well, no, a fancy high-end steakhouse will cost you that. You can have a decent steak for much less.
>Those steakhouses you are referencing are McDonalds equivalent
No except in the eyes of golf & country club types, $200K/year FAANG engineers, or Paris Hilton-caricatures saying you can only get a "decent froyo" at some $50/cup high end place.
I wouldn't consider Outback, or Longhorn for that matter, or places like McCormick & Schmicks or Cheesecake Factory as "fast food". They're just chain restaurants that also serve steaks.
They're not McDonalds, however, nor some kind of "McDonalds of steaks", to be considered "fast food" (a place like Sizzler buffet might be that). And there are tons of non-chain restaurants serving steaks with similar prices.
I've eaten at lots of Michelin-star restaurants in Europe and around the globe, and had $300/head bills a few times, but I don't consider restaurants with $30/$40 steaks or places like Outlook beneath me or "fast food".
It's just the rampant US-version of classism (if one think it's bad in the UK, have them wait till they talk to some upper-middle class US people).
> Well, no, a fancy high-end steakhouse will cost you that. You can have a decent steak for much less.
It depends on what you call "decent" and what's the general quality of produce in your country. There are cheaper steaks here too, but they it's just pieces of charred mediocre meat, which you wouldn't risk to order done medium rare anyway.
> It's just the rampant US-version of classism (if one think it's bad in the UK, have them wait till they talk to some upper-middle class US people).
Not that there's anything wrong with classism, but classism itself is your attitude towards people, not things. Taste in food is not and cannot be classism by definition.
>Not that there's anything wrong with classism, but classism itself is your attitude towards people, not things. Taste in food is not and cannot be classism by definition.
Of course it can. You use food and restaurant choices to signal your class. You're not an "Olive Garden peasant" for example...
Some people probably could use it for this purpose, I imagine. However, I and people I know use them to enjoy ourselves.
Besides, how exactly would you signal it and to whom? Since transition to WFH, I haven't met a single colleague of mine offline. I eat out completely alone 90% of the time, and just with my girlfriend 9% — whom are we showing off to? Each other?
>Besides, how exactly would you signal it and to whom? Since transition to WFH, I haven't met a single colleague of mine offline.
That would be a good counter-argument if I said people are doing this food signalling thing just or particularly or generally these last months.
But humanity and restaurants existed before covid/wfh, and would (I bet) exist after it. I was referring to something people do in general (and have done for centuries), not to what temporary situation they are forced because of WFH to do.
That said, even with WFH one can (and many do) flaunt their food buying habbits online, with pictures of the high class foods they stocked their fridge, their expensive deliveries, their subtle knowledge and enjoyment of expensive coffee beans for their espresso habbit, and so on...
the accusation of classism is sort of a harsh take here. I would never buy a steak from outback for the simple reason that I can buy a nicer cut from my butcher for <$20 and probably do a better job cooking it on my cheap cast iron skillet. on the rare occasion that I go out for steak, I spend as much as it costs to buy something I couldn't reasonably do at home. with steak, that's a lot of money.
I can't say it with 100% certainty, because I'm from Ireland, not the US, but I'm 90% sure you're out of touch here.
Here, you can get a good steak in a proper, table service, not fast food, not chain restaurant for the equivalent of $30-$35. $100 would be stupidly expensive, you would only pay that in the most expensive restaurants in the country.
Maybe it's a regional thing, but high end steakhouses in Texas sell their steaks at around $30-$60. You can of course find a $200 gold dusted wagyu, but those are outliers not the norm.
Thanks for the recommendation, I'll check it out! Although I have to admit, I'm always a little bit suspicious when restaurants price the steak per meal and not per 100g — it usually means that they don't let you choose the cut yourself.
Mine was my freshman year in college. I had a craving for chocolate cake one evening. My epiphany was that I could just hop in my car and go buy one. I didn’t have to answer to or explain myself to anyone. So off I went and bought a cake! My dorm roommate seemed just as enlightened at the notion and he helped me eat it.
I’m not sure I mark this as “adulthood,” but it was a strangely significant milestone in my budding independence.
Or (being it is convenient here in NJ) just driving to a diner any damn time of the day, and getting a big wedge of chocolate cake and a cup of coffee. And nothing else.
Chocolate cake and coffee for breakfast at 7:00 AM? Hell yeah! At 2:30 after the bars have closed? Why not? At 9:30 PM because you are feeling a bit 'peckish' after dinner? Sure.
One day about age 15, I realized that I like Steely Dan. And for the first time, I didn't care what my friends thought, nor what they themselves liked. I realized I could form my own tastes and preferences completely independently of everyone else.
At some point, I noticed that I can order my second drink at dinner. Previously, I thought I had to mach my drinking speed to my eating speed. That’s the moment I became an adult.
This may not resonate with Americans due to the free refills or British because in UK it’s normal to have tap water served.
In the US I felt it with the opposite: not finishing my drink. When you're young, you'll finish whatever drink is in front of you because alcohol is expensive and you don't want it to go to waste, but I remember the first time I didn't finish a beer and realizing that that was perfectly reasonable (and arguably, the more mature thing to do).
Its been helping me improve my relationship with food. I used to find it hard to make myself eat, then in recent years I've been eating too much (hmm, significant correlation with finances...). Portion control is much easier when these external learned behaviours are ignored!
I grew up being forced to eat everything in the plate. Now, as an adult, I keep doing that even though I am fully aware I don't have to. The result is that I eat much more than I should.
There's a trade off here between personal health and the resources needed to put the food on the table in front of you. Of course, the latter is mitigated if you take the leftovers with you to go.
Reminds me of a time when I was in the city with a friend.
My shoes were broken, so I said to him "I need new shoes" went in the next department store, bought a pair, threw my old ones in a trash can and wore the new shoes.
Both this and OP depend crucially on the hidden assumption that you have enough money to buy new shoes or a jacket on a whim. Depending on where you are, what kind of store it is, and how much money you have, it may be practically impossible to carry this out.
Of course, having a reasonable amount of cash on hand to enable immediate, necessary purchases is also a mark of adulthood (it means you have a decent job), so the story still works.
Its more referring to the concept of realizing there's a solution to the problem and being willing to take it. When I was younger, there was a notable amount of times where I felt cold but didn't bother getting a jacket. Of course, grabbing a jacket from a store may not be an option for a person, but I think you're generalizing every part of what they are saying too much rather than the point they're making.
Or they suddenly realized that the immediate need for the product tipped over the scale for a purchasing decision that normally would have waited X amount of time.
It's not like it's an item bought for no reason at all. (Not to mention in both instances they could go and return the item the next day)
I think the original point of the article is that plenty of adults can afford many things, yet they unnecessarily restrict themselves and inflict suffering on themselves.
I know people who are not going to break their budget by spending $10 on Uber when they are late, yet they would rather wait for a bus in the freezing cold or rain, waste time and be late.
There are also some people who don't get that Uber solves an inconveniencing problem.
Like, I have a friend who was finally convinced to take an Uber. She'd ask the driver to drop her off at the bus stop she'd usually get off at, and walk the rest of the way.
Maybe she was distrustful and did not want the driver to learn her precise home address.
It is perhaps a bit paranoid, but when trying an unknown and unusual service for the first time, not over the top, especially if she is a girl living alone.
For me, it was contactless payments. For the longest time I didn't want a contactless card, a little bit out of fear of someone being able to steal just by being close enough but mainly out of "it's such a minor convenience it's not worth asking the bank for the card". Several years go by and the non-contactless card expired, and the new one was contactless, but I still wouldn't use it.
Then one day I did, and holy shit it's the best thing ever, I'm never using cash again (this was before covid hit which has made contactless mandatory now).
I'm sure there are a few other things in my life like this, i.e. things that I'm aware of, but making stupid choices about, I'm just not aware that it's a stupid choice.
Don‘t know, it‘s just a delay, just cold and maybe just water and some wasted time. I try hard not to get into such a lifestyle. Of coure, I would walk if the distance is reasonable.
Ok, mine is kinda plain - I started a trip to a location, suddenly I didn't feel like it, and then left the bus at the nearest possible location, ate a pastry while waiting for the transport back.
I had such moment when I’ve had been living in my first own apartment for a few months already and listening to music till was really late. I was just about to go to bed, when I realized I can just stay and sleep on the couch. It was really nice and enlightening feeling, thanks for bringing this memory back!
As silly as it may seem, I use that singular point in time as the reference for when I commenced adulthood. I've got no idea if others have similar experiences (I grew up very poor, so I was probably primed against the idea of spontaneously buying something to begin with), but the contents of this list seems to be very much in the same vein.