Obligatory self-promotion of my opposite joke project, git-upstage, which steals credit for someone else's work. (Squashes their branch to a single commit under your name and backdates it five minutes.)

https://github.com/SilasX/git-upstage

(Inspired by the time someone typo'd "unstage" to "upstage" and I guessed what a git-upstage command would be.)