> but it’s a known problem and easy to comprehend... It's harder emotionally... when someone you love is killed by a software bug

Sure, I understand how a poorly designed steel guardrail can ride up the front of a vehicle and crush the chest of someone I had hugged a week earlier.

My sense is that understanding does not lessen the pain.

You seem to basically be trying to explain how hypothetical people that you are imagining could be experiencing pain that is more salient than mine.

I don't see how this takes us anywhere good.