I'm 34, left my 7 years relation two years ago, am gay and never thought I could have kids and am not planning on having kids any time soon. This kind of thinking about that the traits that one develops with age and experience only come about with raising a family kind of worries me, I have a pretty good idea on what I'm missing on since absolutely all my good friends from university and most of my close friends from my past two gigs are raising kids. I just don't think I'm in te proper situation to do it. I also think I can manage time and prioritize better because life did throw stuff at me, just not marriage and children.
Also, if I feel like it, I can work 80 hour weeks. I just need to rest after doing it and can't sustain it for too long. I don't know if I can't sustain it for too long "because of age", or if because of experience I do now realize I'm doing everything wrong because of burnout, and when I was young I just powered through doing wrong shit when I was stressed out or sleep deprived and didn't asses I was doing wrong shit.
I've heard this before, but there is something to be said about the difference between someone having kids at the start of their careers when they have little to no savings, and several years (hell, a decade) into their careers when they have high paying jobs with good stay-at-home policy, lots of money in the bank, perhaps a house.
I grew up in situation 1 (teen pregnancy) and it is fascinating to talk with my friends about the different environments we grew up in and the different issues (mentally or financially) we face based on that simple comparison.
Its funny how much life is staked against with a family. especially if one or both of you don't have a college degree. school hours aren't set up for jobs. A lot of companies don't tolerate sick kids. daycare is beyond expensive. health care for families is just impossible. Most people don't have enough savings to make a dent.
My time as a teacher as well as my own studies have convinced me that moving away from the village model was a mistake - children in groups easily self regulate and self educate given minimal direction from a teacher (and powerful guidelines for timeboxed schedules), a role easily filled by the "wisest" in a group (the elderly).
Somewhat contradictorily, it's far easier to manage, teach, and set straight (punish/reward) 15 kids than it is 2. You have to be a falcon for bullying though - spot it from ten miles away and strike it at 100 miles an hour.
Irritating attitude and assumptions. Even the wording of "being ready for it" is ignorant. There are many, many successful people who do not have or do not want or will not ever want children.
My apologies, I didn't intend to suggest anything like people with no intention of having children are simply "pre-kid" until they come to their senses.
I'm straight and similarly aged. don't worry about expectations, but if you do, at least keep in mind you're not alone! it's enough work to make things work for yourself, let alone worry about how the rest of the world does it...
I'm in a similar position. I think the parenthood decision should be discussed much more seriously. Society does itself a disservice every time it erects expectations on people solely by sex, age, race, etc.
Also, if I feel like it, I can work 80 hour weeks. I just need to rest after doing it and can't sustain it for too long. I don't know if I can't sustain it for too long "because of age", or if because of experience I do now realize I'm doing everything wrong because of burnout, and when I was young I just powered through doing wrong shit when I was stressed out or sleep deprived and didn't asses I was doing wrong shit.