I'm pretty bad at remembering names, but my wife and I have worked out a system. If we're in a social setting together and I start to introduce her "have you met my wife..." she will jump in and introduce herself directly to the other person "hi, I'm Colleen...", which prompts the other person to directly introduce themselves to her (and thus taking me off the hook). As a result, if someone is introducing me to someone else, I tend to do the same thing -- hijack the introduction and introduce myself directly -- just in the case the person making the introduction needs an assist. Of course, if they've already greeted the other person by name, then no need.

In my college days we were brutally honest when we had forgotten someone’s name. It was such a large school that if you simply stepped outside every day you met someone new all the time, one way or another. Many people you would only meet once and then never see them again. So it was common to hear some version of “It’s good to see you again! Sorry I haven’t gotten your name down yet, I remember you but I’ve got to meet someone like 5 times before their name sticks” and it was no big deal because the other person would say the same thing back.

I like to think that in the real world being honest about forgetting someone’s name doesn’t hurt, but then again remembering someone’s name is way more impressive.

One method I personally adopted in my professional life is delaying the usage of pronouns until the day I personally believe I memorized the names properly. In a setting where I can say "She can do that.", I instead say "Jenna can do that." until I'm satisfied with my memory.

haha this was also one of my tactics. Even when I’d speak to someone one on one I’d slip their name into the conversation.

I think most people like hearing their name being said so even when I slipped their name into things that people normally say without using names it didn’t come off as too creepy, at least I don’t think.

People know you are working on remembering their name, so it's all good.

This is a much better tactic than the worst thing you can do, which is pretend you know and then use a wrong name. I lost a decent retail account by calling an owners friend ‘Ashley’ when she was really ‘Melissa’ when I met them at a party 3 months after initially meeting them at a trade show.

Yeah, I struggle with this. Often when I see someone my brain doesn't present single name match, more often I have a list of potential matches in my head. e.g. "Scott or Rob" -- so I'm forced to just go with one, or avoid saying any name at all. I've gone for it and botched a name before and it was truly embarrassing. Often given a few seconds I can recall with certainty. It's the one-the-spot instant name recall that is difficult for me.

Harsh. I've seen this happen many times and on every occasion it's been taken light-heartedly/no offence/whatever. I think you were incredibly unlucky.

Yes, these individuals turn out to be rather snobby, you could say. Not people I’d endorse as friends or business partners on a personal level, but, it’s business and it’s worth knowing how to not lose customers, even if not means coddling them.

I almost always hijack to introduce myself. People often mis-hear my name so introducing myself gives me an opportunity to state it multiple times and give them a mnemonic device to help them remember.

You are a nice person.

Nice. I second the other comment. You are a good quality human.

That was mostly about forgetting people. Not about forgetting their names. Very different.

I rarely forget someone. I also rarely remember their name, even after being told it multiple times. When I meet people I totally tune out when they say their name, partially cause I'm socially nervous, but also my mind is jumping ahead thinking about interesting things/questions, like what they do or the meaning of their t-shirt slogan. I just don't find names interesting themselves... They're just labels. And labels don't matter, they things being labeled do.

But there is also some sort of mental block, like a brain stutter, going on. Cause I often(like 1/2 month) can't bring to my lips names of best friends, people I've known years interact with weekly if not daily. It's usually only a few seconds or a minute before I can get their name. But, it's weird and low-level worries me.

> When I meet people I totally tune out when they say their name, partially cause I'm socially nervous, but also my mind is jumping ahead thinking about interesting things/questions, like what they do or the meaning of their t-shirt slogan.

I often forget people's names because when I meet someone new I'm so busy thinking "don't forget their name!" that I don't really hear their name properly.

If it's of any help, everything you just said exactly applies to me as well, in exactly the same way you said it.

Spared me from writing this comment I guess, lol

Ditto. I'm awful with names and much of what the grandparent wrote applies to me.

Couple of things that sometimes help, thought not as much as I wished they did -

In meetings, I have a notepad out and write them down. Or ask for business cards. Sometimes with cards I can't remember which belonged to whom, but it narrows the possibilities way down, at least.

Sometimes if I can quickly think of someone else I know with the same name, it will anchor it a bit for me. Without repetition I'll just forget it later, but it gets me through a conversation.

I have a trick. Soon after I meet someone, I scribble their name and some interesting characteristic of theirs into a Google Docs document on my phone.

e.g. Anna, teacher with dreadlocks.

Then the next time I see them from afar, I whip out my phone to refresh my memory. And then I go up to them and say hi.

I rarely forget details about a person, so making conversation is not hard. It's their name I keep forgetting. Writing that down has helped immensely.

Why Google Docs and not Contacts?

Less friction to enter free-form text in Google Docs than in Contacts.

It takes more taps enter details in Contacts, not to mention the Last Name, First Name are fields with limited visible length, and scrolling left-to-right on a phone is tedious.

Also I don't want to pollute my contact list with the 10-11 Annas that have no last names, but have descriptors like "has dreadlocks" or "met at conference".

I’m starting to use Google Keep more and more for this. Seems to be better organized (for me) for digital jotpads. However it is much more limited in the text editing/word processing ability. However, I really don’t need that for quick notes.

> When I meet people I totally tune out when they say their name, partially cause I'm socially nervous, but also my mind is jumping ahead thinking about interesting things/questions, like what they do or the meaning of their t-shirt slogan.

I repeat a person’s name as I introduce myself, yet it’s completely reflexive (“Hi X, I’m Y.”). I don’t internalize the name and then I don’t know it a few seconds later. I developed stressful coping mechanisms in college to hide this, but have since learned to be very proactive about advising people that I often forget names and will need to ask later. I don’t feel any shame or awkwardness when I have to ask because this disarms the situation.

I forget and “re-meet” people regularly.

A few years ago, I picked up a habit I saw Michelle Obama use: she says “nice to see you” instead of “nice to meet you.”

The phrase feels warm and appropriate to new folks, but keeps the ones I’ve met before from feeling forgotten.

Yepyepyepyep -- I struggle mightily with this phenomenon and some time ago adopted the above practice [except my variant is 'good to see you'; my farewell is 'see you later / see you around' for consistency].

Has saved me a hella ton of aggravation and worrying.

edit : if I know from context that I've met someone before but don't recognize them / remember name, I just come right out and admit it straight away : "Hi! We met before but I've forgotten your name, sorry -- what is it?"

Apparently "nice to see you" is a Hollywood thing, I remember a guest (an actor) on a talk show saying "I hate when people say that, it's so phony!"

Ha ha I thought it was a Washington DC thing, where politicians and important people are constantly meeting lots of people so it's a good weasel word.

No it doesn’t. Everyone with a mild bit of common sense knows what you’re doing

They’ll play along, but be aware that not only have you forgotten their name, you also believe you can fool them into thinking you didn’t

Yeah it's double patronizing. It's worse than just coming clean and shifting the burden to yourself by acknowledging your poor memory skills.

The goals wasn't to relearn their name, but to relearn it while not showing that you forget it. The latter part is what fails...

As rude as lying to save face?

The lie would be for the benefit of the person whose name was forgotten, not to "save face". From what, forgetting a name? Nothing is more human.

I do agree that to lie at all is a terrible idea.

Now I'm curious. If lying in general is a terrible idea, how does the person whose name was forgotten benefit, otherwise what makes the terrible lie worth it?

White lies are confusing things.

Why would you be asking what someone's last name is, especially by asking "what's your name again?"

Neat trick but it shouldn't be the only one you have. Which is to say it isn't the best way to proceed.

Possibly something better discussed with a psychologist, but I’ll throw it out there.

Often I wonder if “memory” is a skill that I never properly learned. It seems for me that simply remembering an arbitrary past event in any significant detail isn’t really possible.

Only if it’s a story I’ve retold on several occasions (and likely by now as much fiction as non) am I able to retain a firm grasp on a particular past event.

Forgetting names or faces? They slip away almost instantly, and holding onto them is like trying to carry water across a room in my hands.

Childhood is more like an abstract notion. If asked to write about it, certainly I remember basic facts but they are as much deduced as they are seen in my minds eye. A few moments here and there—again, probably stories that I retold at some point—but mostly anything firmly in long term memory isn’t really accessible in “true color” like it seems most people can have it.

I presume there’s an anatomical explanation that could become apparent upon autopsy, although nothing so remarkable as to alert on a full body MRI.

Then again, I can remember code that I wrote 15 years ago. Not exactly line for line, but when I’ve had the occasion to revisit old code, it’s as if I never left it.

Again it seems to come down to creation versus observation. Observations which aren’t actively re-encoded just end up in /dev/null to a great extent for me.

My wife says I’m blissfully ignorant, and it certainly seems to have served me quite well as a coping mechanism. Hard to carry a grudge when it just doesn’t occur to you how angry you were about something last month.

I’m not even sure it’s something I’d want to “fix” even if I could, except perhaps the names and faces thing.

I've noticed this in myself as well, especially with changes in context.

When I lived in my hometown (until I was 16), memories were always vibrant -- I suppose kept alive by constant association.

After I moved away to college, I gradually started forgetting things from my hometown, even things as recent as my high school years.

After graduating from college, I moved to the countryside in Japan. I found that I started forgetting things about my college years -- even people I hung out with fairly regularly. As for things from my high school or junior high years? Forget about it.

Six years ago I moved to Tokyo; the context change has apparently been enough that I'm forgetting a lot of things about my time in the countryside.

I've always attributed it to a combination of a lack of importance (that is, I consciously or subconsciously decide certain people just aren't important enough to commit to memory) and a lack of associative cueing. Out of all the people I knew in college, I only talk to two -- and them rarely. I don't talk to anyone from high school or before then at all.

I'm exactly the same way, and as a person in his mid-twenties, it's terrible. I sometimes feel like I have incredibly-early-onset Alzheimer's or something when I can't remember the term for something interesting I read about a few months ago, and apparently it's pretty bizarre that I remember almost nothing from my childhood before my mid-teens. Not to mention, it's very difficult to convince people you're not an antisocial jerk when you forget the names of people who have already told you their name more than once.

I've always wondered if this memory issue is at least partially genetic, though, because my two brothers and my father all have the same issue remembering names and other trivial facts. We all will also forget things that our wives have told us, not because we weren't paying attention at the time, but because our subconscious minds just decided that particular piece of information wasn't worth storing.

I really wish I could just run CCleaner on my brain or something...

Weirdly enough I’m almost exactly the same way, and you’ve described it much more eloquently than I’ve been able to in the past. Maybe there’s more to it than just your brain being some sort of one-off anomaly.

>> Forgetting names or faces? They slip away almost instantly, and holding onto them is like trying to carry water across a room in my hands.

This!!!

But if I read the name I’ll remember the exact spelling forever.

Wow, I can totally relate to that !

Especially the part of carrying grudges. It has happened numerous times where I just forget what I was unhappy/sad about, or a particular thing a person said to me, which was clearly offensive.

I find myself hanging out with them, months later. And then if I recall that old event, I think, well f*ck, I should not be talking to this person.

Forgetting names, is especially hard with relatives. As you might know, Indian families are quite big and tightly knit. It is really embarrassing to see me parents (or my brother) remember each of the ~50-60 of relatives and family friends. While I am just standing their and calling every one Uncle/Aunt, instead of their proper "relation name" (look at https://en.m.wikibooks.org/wiki/Hindi/Family_relations)

But, as the parent comment mentioned, I rarely forget about a thing which I had worked on or built (though not on a scale of 15 years !! yet..), but atleast 2-3 years. I sometimes have very specific memory, like, I can say "yeah, go to this file and you will find this function, which was written in this file earlier, it was written by that guy who left the company 2 years ago...insert-other-useless-stuff.."

Which might create a impression, that I have a good "memory".

As, a matter of fact, even mental arithmetic, is kind of hard to do. It seems that most people have lots of answers preprocessed and stored in their brains.

I clearly remember, when I was in highschool. I used to actually calculate things, for instance, If I want to calculate '9 + 3', I would count 3 times from 9 to 12. And I thought, being fast in arithmetic is doing this counting thing way faster. Slowly, this was turned into a rule that, it you add X to 9, the answer will be 1(X-1). And then very slowly, I am kind of building up on these rules for doing faster "maths".

But, I see people all around who have all of these basic operations (taking certain %, adding, subtracting) basically memorized, or they have incredibly fast processing speeds. And here I am not talking about some math involving big numbers, but just number we encounter in our day to day lives.

Maybe the arithmetic thing, might not be related to my memory issues, but just lack of practice. But, still I feel there is something definitely out of place.

It could be that, my memory issues stems from the concept of living in the "now". I rarely ever look back into memories. I am constantly looking to do the next thing to "do", instead of sitting back and talking a look of what has happened in the past. Even, when I am sitting back and "relaxing", I think about what I am doing currently, "Ok, I am sitting on a bench, looking a trees, that thing looks interesting ... .. ". Very rarely, I look back and think about some particular, day, event, or person.

For instance, If we want to an adventure park today. In next couple of days, I will rarely think about it. Yes, I will look at the photos and all other social media stuff. But, it would be a very superficial glance. And I am pretty sure that I will forget about specific details, or some other interesting thing about the adventure park after a couple of years. Which I am pretty sure, a normal person, like my girlfriend, will definitely remember.

I am lucky in that I am very good with names and faces. I don't know why but I can meet someone once for a brief conversation and remember key points (job, family, where they are from, etc) of the conversation without having to try and still recall that information many years later.

The strangest example of this is when I was in a coffee shop in London a couple of years ago and instantly recognised a man in the queue with me as someone I met in an airport over 10 years ago and had a 5 minute (max) conversation with. I remembered his name, that he had a new born son and his sons name, that the birth had been stressful and he was going to take longer off than his planned two weeks so his wife could recover, that he worked in bio-pharmacy research and a few other details.

Needless to say he was pretty shocked and clearly didn't remember me (because why would you?!) but we ended up chatting in the queue again and he was amazed I could remember so much detail from an airport conversation. This isn't the only time it has happened either. It happens more often than I realised until my wife pointed out my "freak super power". I don't think I have ever thought of this person after meeting them either. At least not consciously. Yet when I saw his face in that Costa coffee shop it was like an HD video started playing in my head of when we met in Charles de Gaulle all those years ago. The brain is an amazing thing.

Now if only I could channel this "super power" (freakish as it may be) for good rather than just being the person friends and family look to when they say "Ohh I recognise that person, what other film/tv show have they been in?" as I always seem to know the answer.

You remind me of a border-guard.

Waiting in line, he walked up to me. "You are visiting $PLACE" I replied yes, sweating slightly as the location was thousands of kilometers from this entry point. "I remember you were working for $COMPANY, are you still there?" Who is this guy was all I was thinking, do I know him? I'm still in the queue awaiting immigration. "Can I see your passport?" Border crossing and border guard. Presenting this and flicking through pages, he smiled widely "See my badge, I stamped your entry 2 years ago (the stamp had his badge number)". He walked off happily. I went through routinely. I'd only ever used this entry once before, that time when seemingly he was behind the immigration desk.

That is truly remarkable. What a nice moment, a human shining through the bureaucracy. And a smiling immigration agent, which is itself a rare treat. Thank you for sharing it!

You can have an astounding career in sales (wholesale). A manufacturer can have thousands of retailer clients, as a sales rep or sales manager if you can remember a few hundred you will do well especially at the trade shows because retailers come in in the random order. You will also do well switching from one job to another because that’s also about networking.

Do you think it’s contagious, whatever it is you have?

You could be a super recogniser [0]

And you could work for the police [1]

[0] http://www.alphr.com/science/1004162/are-you-a-face-super-re...

[1] https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-34544199

I am so envious! I feel like I'm pretty lucky in general as far as innate abilities, but this is one I'm definitely lacking and really wish I had. I'm constantly trying various techniques with varying success, but for it to be easy like that would be amazing.

Politics and sales are two practical uses for this super power. Weather either can be used for good is another question. Any job where part of your job is to make the person you are talking to feel special is where this comes into play.

sure it can be used for good. it is possible to do good in politics if you are able ethical person, as well as in NGOs / non-profits

Although remembering people's names is a powerful social tool, you shouldn't infer from the article that forgetting someone's name (a very common faux pas, in the title of the article) is tantamount to forgetting having met someone (the leading "Jerkface" example in the article).

Recognition and recall are two very different things. The article conflates failures of recognition (X doesn't remember ever meeting Y) with failures of recall (X doesn't remember Y's name).

I was bad at names. Until I was reading "How to make friends and influence people" and went to a talk of Daniel Dennet where he talked about "installing Apps into your brain".

Most of "How to make friends..." has come naturally to me since I was a child, except for the names.

So I just started, with Marjolein. After the introduction I turned around and repeated to myself "this was Marjolein. Marjolein". After a couple of times it becomes natural.

Being able to call out people by name, showing you remembered their names, is very powerful.

I used to get frustrated at not being able to remember names. After many trials and failures, I stumbled upon a remarkably easy mnemonic (for me).

Due to generations, geographies, culture, etc there really aren't that many different names (especially when only pronunciation matters).

I eventually found that, when meeting someone, I would immediately think of the name and face of someone I already knew with that name. Even if it was a girl from a class in middle school, the number of previous names or the passing of time doesn't seem to matter. If I can apply the new face to a face and name I already know there's a high likelihood I'll remember the new face/name association forever (just like we can all remember the name of some random kid from second grade, somehow). It's as simple as saying to myself:

"This is Shannon, like Shannon from middle school and Shannon from that gym you used to go to."

Then the next time I see the "new" person I'll often immediately recall:

"Oh, hey! That's Shannon. Like Shannon from middle school and Shannon from that gym you used to go to."

It really seems to scale almost infinitely and to this day I can go almost anywhere I've been before and remember the names of people I may have "met" once years ago.

If it's a new name the process is slightly more complicated. Many times I'll try to think of a place, town, business, item, pretty much anything and that generally works. I've also found that it happens so rarely simply remarking "WOW, that's actually a new one" is enough to give me a pretty good chance.

The reactions are really interesting but I keep doing this and using this method because the results are almost always positive for all parties. In many cases (especially in the service industry) you can see their face and demeanor change instantly when you've demonstrated you made some effort to remember their name.

Reminds me of the "What's That Name?" SNL skit:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZ7OJdDSXVo

> So I just started, with Marjolein. After the introduction I turned around and repeated to myself "this was Marjolein. Marjolein". After a couple of times it becomes natural.

Or even easier: Try to remember the color of their eyes while listening to their name. Don't know why but works wonders for me.

As a bonus, you also make a good first impression thanks to eye contact.

I believe studies of note-taking suggest a link between retention and the physical act of writing. My habit is to imitate writing the person's name on my palm several times after an important introduction.

In general though, my brain is not optimized for this. I rely in no small way upon having a digital extension to my memory. Usually, not being able to remember months and years of my life is more of a personal concern than not being able to remember names or faces. But, it's not clear that the broader issue is solvable, so I write on my hand, and apologize for the necessity.

One of the few things I remember from that one neuroscience class I took in high school was that the more physical senses you involve in something, the more likely you are to remember that thing. I think you’re totally right about writing something down, even if it’s just miming the act of writing.

It’s the same effect, I think, where writing down a reminder means I remember it even when I lose the reminder note.

I also read it was a good idea to use multiple senses, so now I lick people when I meet them and they never forget meeting me.

Hey, I chuckled. You just dropped that in here. Nicely done.

That sounds gross/like a health and safety violation, dweekly

That's a good tip about making the motions to write the person's name on the palm of your hand. One thing I noticed not that long ago was that if I heard someone's name, e.g. if they spoke it to me, I had little chance of remembering, but if I saw the name written down, e.g. I saw it on a name tag, I actually had a much better chance of remembering. I assumed that is because my memory was more visual. But maybe it is simply because of more senses being involved.

That's kind of awesome. How good with names would you say you are now?

Also, is that the whole technique? Seems like you'd have to say it for quite a while to get it in to long term memory - if you're doing it straight after it doesn't seem like it would qualify for spaced repetition. Do you do it again later?

> How good with names would you say you are now?

Much much better than average. Some people are surprised I can recall their name months/years later after 1 interaction.

> qualify for spaced repetition. Do you do it again later?

I think with Marjolein and the subsequent 10 - 20 I did. But it becomes "natural" after a while.

I don’t forget people’s names, but I am faceblind. I will remember an interaction involving me and this person named X—and then that story won’t come to mind when I see X, unless/until they tell me their name again.

If I never found out the person’s name, then I probably won’t remember them at all.

The memory is there—I just have no look-up key (where for most people, that would be the person’s face.)

Prosopagnosia sufferer here -- what clues do you use to ID people?

I rely mostly on gait, height /build, dress habit, hair / facial hair, voice. If someone grows / shaves a beard or gets glasses, I'm pretty hosed. Example : my own uncle cut his hair and shaved his moustache, I didn't recognize him until he spoke.

Out of pure curiosity... how absolute is face-blindness? Would you be unable to recognize the face even of someone you’re very close to, like a close friend, everyday coworker, or significant other? Or would you still need non-facial cues to identify them?

Given two people with similar skin darkness, could you recognize that one is White and the other East Asian? Or that one is Indian and the other Black?

Do you notice any deficiencies in other types of pattern recognition, or more generally any other mental differences that you think might be connected?

The headline indicates that forgetting someone's name is bad, however the article treats that as forgetting someone entirely. I'm curious what the impact of the inbetween would be; that is "I remember I've met you before, but I can't remember your name".

The article also seems to conflate forgetting appointments with forgetting facts. I can easily see how if someone forgot an appointment with me, it would be annoying and damage the closeness of a relationship. I have zero resentment, however, for someone forgetting my name. I have forgotten people's names far too many times to get angry over such things.

> I have forgotten people's names far too many times to get angry

Same here. I've forgotten enough names on people, even people I've known for ten years and deal with on a weekly basis, to be bothered by it. I generally remember the name some minutes later, but it's often too later by then. I've never found asking someone for their name ("Dude, I'm sorry, I'm completely blanking on your name", depending on the formality of the event) to cause any particular problems.

As someone who's absolutely abysmal at recalling names and physical features, but with a good memory for personality and interactions, my experience has been that the impact's rather minimal - while it can lead to a few awkward moments, it's much more important for social interaction to remember who someone is than their arbitrary identifier.

Plus it sets the stage for any number of anecdotes or comparisons.

If I can remember someone but not their name I usually try and be quite frank about - "hey sorry I forgot your name but when we met you had that cool story about how you did X".

It hopefully works ok.

When I've only met someone once or twice and haven't seen them for a while, I just take my best guess at a name while using my tone of voice and body language to show that I'm making an effort. I remember faces very well, rarely forgetting anyone, but I'm not a natural when it comes to names.

I've found that when I make it clear that I remember a person and want to say their name, they are always very forgiving and any potential awkwardness is diminished. It also gives the other person an opportunity to try to guess my name as well! I'd say most people don't remember other people's names on the first try, and the typical coping mechanism for that is to avoid saying names all together. To allow myself to stumble also allows them to stumble, which is a relief to both parties.

This isn't to say that it's better than actually remembering a person's name from the start, but not remembering a person's name isn't the faux pas a lot of people believe. It may seems that way because we know how good it feels to be remembered, and we want to be that person who remembers everyone else's names, but instead we come up with excuses in our heads to just avoid names as much as possible.

After such incidents, I almost always remember the other person's name thereafter because I now have a rapport with them. Rapport is key because, without it, the garbage collector in our brains chuck out "orphaned" data. Well, at least mine seems to. But I've gotten much better.

For what it's worth, I think I significantly prefer "sorry, I know we've met before, but I've forgotten your name" (with bonus points for 'I remember you from [x]'), rather than "hi... [wrong name]?"

The first is just straightforwardly honest (and forgetting my name is completely understandable), whereas the second can feel a bit disrespectful, though it's hard for me to analyse exactly why. It's not a big deal, and I've done it myself, but personally I wouldn't recommend guessing unless you're reasonably confident you'll get it right.

Mostly I think remembering the person is much more important than remembering the name, anyway. If someone forgets me entirely, that can be hurtful if I remember having an interesting interaction with them. Even if they remember my name, that doesn't mean very much if it soon becomes clear that they don't remember anything from our last conversation. But if you remember me, I don't much care whether you remember my name.

I remember faces but not names. I’m sort of the opposite; I won’t engage because I know I have forgotten the name. This is mostly because names are arbitrary and usually common “Hi Matt!”

Ditto. And I am much likelier to remember random facts: where they work, where they live, what type of food they like--than what their name is. I assume it's because, at some level, my brain is saying this is some arbitrary symbol that doesn't really matter and I'm not very interested in.

I tend to have a slightly different problem when meeting someone for the second time; although I'll remember meeting the person before (and usually recall their name), I'll often not recognize that it's the same person if I didn't end up talking with them for a long time the first time I met them. I never realized that I had this issue until freshman year of college, when it occurred around weekly with various people I met on campus. Like others have mentioned about forgetting names, I found that simply being honest about it was the best strategy; people tended to be pretty forgiving of it, especially since I would able to recall all the details of our previous conversation, which I could bring up after the person identified who they were. It still occasionally happens either at work when I met someone new who joined the company or when meeting someone at a meetup or conference for the second time, but in many circumstances it actually ends up breaking the ice quite well, as the other person has forgotten my name.

I also have a mild degree degree of prosopagnosia (1). I'm constantly embarrassed by it, but most people are cool about it if you explain. It's the ones that I might be regularly blanking that I worry about.

(1) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosopagnosia

Me too. People constantly recognize me and I haven't a clue who they are. I think I'm just a jerk and don't bother to remember people. So frustrating.

Moonwalking with Einstein is an interesting book related to this topic. It’s about Joshua Foer’s journey becoming an American memory champion a few years back. Some parts delve lightly into remembering people’s names, among other memory techniques. Was one of Bill Gates suggested reading when it come out too. If you’re interested in this sort of stuff, I suggest picking it up.

I used to be really good at remembering names. To the point where sometimes people i met briefly would get weirder out I remembered their name. As I've gotten older and met more people I've started forgetting names more often.

I've never really noticed anyone get offended when i've forgotten, thouhg i guess i don't know their thoughts, and personally I don't get offended when most people forget my name. I dunno I find after a quick little reintroduction and then moving on it's usually ok. Heh actually there's a friend of a friend I see occasionally and we've introduced ourselves to eachother every time. Technically we've known eachother for years now but it's just how it goes I guess.

The thing i've actually been bad with is using people's names in conversation. I don't know why but I used to feel weird saying people's names to them. I've come to learn though it's a bad habit and most people enjoy hearing their names.

There is a cultural aspect to it as well: when I lived in Switzerland, I noticed, it is very common to use the name of the person in almost every sentence when referring to another person. Be it greeting, asking something or leaving the place. I would often times try to mimic it, yet would not be able to come up with the name of the person fast enough, even though I knew the name. I guess it's a matter of practice.

I meet a lot of people professionally, typically in a single week 10 to 15 new faces which I need to interact with intensely for a week and then I will most likely never see them again. So forgetting names is something that happens to me and my crew all the time.

My personal trick is to ask someone how to spell their name, this usually works just fine, unless they are called John Smith.

This is me, and I suspect it hurts my career, as I'm lucky to remember the guy's name two offices over, much less the people who introduced themselves and we chatted for 5 minutes over a beer the nigh before.

And before you talk about lack of empathy/caring, this happened to me all the time when I was younger/meeting women. Back then I would forget their name after about three sentences, so I tried to run a background process "I really like this girl, her name is $NAME, and it reminds me of $SOMETHING". But frequently that itself would cause problems as people can detect when you aren't paying 100% attention to what they are saying..

I suspect some of us, have the perfect genes for survival in the jungle with our 20 family members. The new large group social skills are something we can't deal with. So we are being selected out of the pool along with our killer instincts for other methods of survival. Frequently I wonder if some of frank Herbert's (there is some more recent similar stuff) science fiction where the human race is devolving into ant/bee like colonies is where we are all going.

I don’t meet people with anything near this frequency, but like you, seeing the name spelled out is key to my remembering the name at all. The auditory cue just is not enough.

If I can’t see it, I will almost certainly not remember.

It seems like (the stories in) this is more about remembering faces than names. Prosopagnosia is face blindness which people often mask by matching hair clothes and other features... while remembering a name or a meeting is something else. You can be great at one and terrible at the others.

Just as some people have great technical aptitude, others (I believe) have great social aptitude. While memorizing acronyms comes naturally to some, memorizing faces comes naturally to others. And the other group must work harder to compensate and keep up.

You can also have both or neither. There is no dichotomy between tech aptitude and social aptitude.

Moreover, there not one tech aptitude, but more like multiple different aptitudes that makes you more or less suitable for different positions.

These categories seem senseless to me. What does remembering a name have to do with holding a compelling conversation? What does remembering language syntax have to do with performing quick mental math? If someone has been doing poorly socially they may tell themself, "I'm a brainy tech person, not some vapid socialite" or if they are struggling with a difficult technical concept they may say, "I'm good at talking to people, I'm not a nerd." I think the truth is that any behavior has a corresponding skill and any skill can be learned. Which skills come more easily, I believe, are a matter of past experience and conviction of one's ability to learn that skill rather than a matter of "giftedness". Licking a wounded ego is tempting and people love to be a part of some group that bears a shared identity. Doing so, however, doesn't make you more skilled and likely does the opposite by depriving you of the conviction that a skill can be learned.

I don't get upset/disappointed when somebody doesn't remember me, mostly because I forget way too many people too.

I'm getting happy when somebody remembers me.

Focusing on the positive things in people is a great way to enjoy social interactions.

I think it sucks. But, I end up doing it. And I try dammit!

Funny, I can remember all sorts of crazy things. But I will choke on a name. Frustrating!

And because it happens, despite honest intent to avoid it, I never let anyone else, who gets stuck with this damn thing, feel bad about it.

Good as it gets. I am sorry in advance.

How else does one play this?

Edit: To the poor, deserving soul forgotten, I usually express some variation on my frustration expressed here, and let them know I am totally good for a save, or favor, whatever in return for understanding. Just say the word.

Usually goes well, but some people have trouble getting past it. Understandable.

(I really hate missing a basic like names. )

I had a colleague that would make it a habit to greet everyone by name in the morning. E.g. ‘Goodmorning Dave’, ‘Goodmorning Ben’.

It felt a bit weird at first but overtime him showing up was a point where the whole team felt connected and would chat about the weekend etc. He was former military (and would shake your hand if he had the opportunity) and he forced a bunch of tech people to bond unknowningly.

I kinda do this now, at least when I come into the office if I run into someone I try to say some type of greeting with their name.

I do this. Didn't realize it came off as weird.

I think it can come across as a bit forced, depending on context. But if it's natural for you, that will shine through.

I struggle with that because I can't recognize people well. I don't forget them, once I recognize them or they tell me their name, I usually remember quite well what they've told me but without context and if they're not wearing similar clothes to what they usually wear, I just can't recognize friends in the street.

This has caused me repeated embarrassment and really annoys people.

I'm in my mid 20's, and while I remember people from my past, I frequently forget where I knew them from.

I will talk to high school friends and mention people I knew in college, and they will say, "Who?" I'll do the same thing with college friends, mentioning high school friends, forgetting that I knew them from separate places.

And after a year or so goes by of me not having seen someone, I pretty much have to re-meet them.

I think the key to these situations is remembering that others are just as likely to forget your name as you are to forget theirs. Thus, when seeing someone whose name I've forgotten, I always lead off the conversation by reintroducing myself (without asking for their name).

This often prompts a reintroduction by the other party and will soothe their anxiety if they've forgotten your name as well.

My name, being a traditional Hindu name, is a difficult one for non-Hindus to remember, so it often gives me a get out of jail free card. No one remembers my name, so can't feel offended if I forget theirs. The fact that I often do remember people's names means that I'm often the one left feeling a bit offended (but I don't take much offence anyway).

I'm not so much bad at names as I am bad at catching them when they're slightly unusual in pronunciation. The trick to getting around that for me has just been to make a big deal as to how you say it right upfront which gives me a chance to say it a few times in a row to get it to stick (also I think adds more events to the memory which also helps).

I’ve created enemies by forgetting names. Socialites are unforgiving.

I’ve learn to never ever say “good to meet you” and always say “good to see you” instead.

Worse, attraction plays a big role, and being married, leads to many conversations, generally of comedic value at this point. Maybe not the same conclusion in the early days. But one borne from confidence and time.

I've been listening to the Harmontown podcast a lot recently and I've noticed that the "comptroller" (host) regularly forgets people's names when they call them up from the audience. He just asks them again and it seems to be fine. "What was your name again?"

I've done it a few times and nobody seems to really care.

I learnt a trick with the "Schindler's List", that tended to mention characters with full name - get to know the surname, which helps to memorize the first name, perhaps because it creates a hash list of ethnic origin inside the brain?

I remember names until that person is in front of me. Once they've gone away, I remember it again. It happens all the time. I guess there's a name for this?

Anyone understand why if I get the name twice I’ll remember it forever but once is maybe 1/100. And then it’ll have to be an interesting name...

Is this where you use your AR augmented glasses to surreptitiously recognize their faces from your face recognition database.

That is the only reason I wanted the glasses, but I seem to remember that use was banned by Google because of privacy concerns?

I've a QR code on my blazer which anyone can use to find the public info about me.

And you have people walk up to you and point their phone at a specific part of your body, stare at the screen and away from you while they wait for the info to load, and then say, “Hi Ted”?

I never forget a face but often forget a name

Depends if you're married to them.

For sham marriages, this is a real problem!