> Repeated unwelcome advances are not OK even if the person is single.
Definitely agree with you there. I added the extra "made clear they had a significant other" since it would help to push the line even further into unacceptable territory. I don't mean to imply that the relationship status is a necessary condition for unacceptability. The fact that women have learned to use the existence of an SO as an escape rather than outright saying no reflects poorly on the men that caused the learned behavior.
I am the very close relative of two women in tech. One of my relatives was on the receiving end of repeated, unwanted advances over the last several months, none of which were reported to HR because she didn't want to destroy her career at the company.
Last weekend she received an unsolicited, nearly naked photo from the same male co-worker. Needless to say, he is no longer at the company.
This is sad on two counts. First, it's sad that my relative felt she couldn't report because she thought it would harm her career. It sickens me to say this, but maybe she was right. Maybe it would have harmed her career.
Second, and I've seen this before, she had to endure further harassment until he really escalated so she could report something significant enough that she felt it wouldn't harm her credibility.
Though we're discussing this through the lens of the tech industry, the most horrifying thing of all is that this isn't even a problem that's unique to tech.
It was just the other day that that I read in the local news about a woman that was arrested for sending breast pictures to an ex, sending death threats to his new girlfriend, and stalking him from his home to work.
Stalking seems to be some form of obsessive behavior, and I suspect that sending pictures is an early stage of such behavior. It also describe a cure for it, ie similar cures we have when obsessive behavior makes someone a criminal.
I think he's trying to distinguish between someone with poor ability to pick up on social cues (from someone with poor ability to communicate their wishes/feelings) and a sexual predator. That seems like a reasonable distinction to make, though both can have the same moral fault and/or commit the same crime; motivation is important when we look towards someone's character.
You've got to take responsibility for your actions and not make your problem other peoples' problem. If I'm nearsighted, it's irresponsible for me to drive without my glasses. Likewise, if you're bad at pickup up social cues, you probably should not be hitting on coworkers.
This is not the first time I've heard somebody try to fly the lame excuse that they're not guilty of doing something they actually did, because they were too stupid to know it was illegal.
> > That seems like a reasonable distinction to make, though both can have the same moral fault and/or commit the same crime; motivation is important when we look towards someone's character.
"And I'm not saying X, but X." where "X" = "it's her fault".
Just because you deny what you're about to say in the same sentence just before you say it, doesn't mean you didn't say it.
So what is your motivation for defending someone who's trying to shift the blame to the victim of sexual harassment, and how does that speak to your character?
You're mis-framing my position in a highly offensive way.
Ignorance of the law is not a defence against it. That's right and proper.
If I believe you are happy with me taking money from your wallet, and so take some. Can you see that would be a different category morally to if I believed you would condemn such action and yet still took the money. Both situations might be theft, both might be judged morally wrong. But to me the moral character of the person in the two situations is different. And, that differences is worthy of note.
You're mis-framing the right of a stupid man to send unsolicited naked pictures of himself to a non-consenting woman without getting fired in a highly offensive way. You're wrong that stupidity is a justifiable excuse for that behavior.
"her silence [...] causing him to escalate to naked pictures"
Don't blame the victim's silence for "causing" an "escalation" to sending naked pictures. He decided to do it of his own free will, she did not "cause" him to do that by being silent.
I think this is a pretty important point. The default option for declining a proposition shouldn't have to be "I already have a partner". A simple 'no, thankyou' should suffice.
Yup, this one. It's a common tactic to bring up the significant other when it seems like the conversation might be going in a non-platonic direction and you want to head it off. It's a way to avoid taking on the personal risk related to giving an outright rejection.
It's a way to avoid taking on the personal risk related to giving an outright rejection.
Yes, and even if the person being rejected poses no risk it's nice to spare their feelings with what amounts to a little white lie. It helps everybody save face and ideally allows the conversation to move on to other things.
Repeated unwelcome advances are not OK even if the person is single.