Most people aren't grin fucking you because of some inherent moral instability. They're doing it because fighting you over your idea that you're in love with isn't worth it to them. First example he gives, where Manager Bob is getting ignored -- what if the executive simply doesn't need or respect Bob's opinion? He doesn't need to prove to every non-exec that he thinks his idea is good. Unfortunate, but a fact of life in a hierarchical organization.
I like to think of myself as direct and honest, but the overwhelming social norm (at least from what I've seen, on the East Coast of the US) is to pick your battles. If you push back on everything you disagree with, you surprise people and quickly pick up a reputation as argumentative. This is especially true if you engage on issues outside your area of expertise. Programmers telling accounting how to fund benefits? HR telling programmers which hours are "proper" to work? Organizational grunts telling execs which markets to expand into? Even if the outsider is right, it's not worth the time of the expert to fight it, and they'll smile, nod, and hope you go away quickly so they can continue being productive.
By all means, you should stand up and call out the obvious bullshit, but the world is not black and white.
Nothing hinders the executive from saying "Sorry Bob, I have decided this and now we'll do it." - Instead he is basically lying Bob straight in the face.
This has nothing to do with picking your fights, but all to do with being unable to stand by your decision and be straight about it.
Another use case: You're talking to someone who's f*cking you over, big time. Responding with hostility or on-the-nose sincerity will only invite disaster or escalate the situation. Sometimes, not always, the right response is to smile broadly and say something friendly, Then get out of dodge.
It's understandable that people get tired of repeating themselves, but on the other hand, if you're trying to be a leader and you're not selling your ideas to everyone around you who might listen (and using this as practice to improve your ideas and your sales pitch), you're not doing your job. I may not buy your argument but I'll respect you more for genuinely trying to sell it to me on it than for ignoring me.
I concur. And I'll pass. "Acting with integrity" as compared to "don't be a grin fucker" hasn't exactly lost it's ring. The latter term is crass and hard to say. Poor slang branding in a crowded lingual market, if you ask me.
Really? Because I thought it was a good read.(expletives and all)
What I really enjoyed was the story about Accenture because I've worked with consulting firms before and they really will tell you whatever you want to hear. Even if it isn't true.
Personally, I rather get an honest response.(I also had one of those cold showers from someone and it hurt much less than I thought it would)
This article is so much more than the tasteful use of the word "fuck." For example, this gem - "I mean Porter’s Five forces is a useful framework but it’s basically microeconomics with a pretty wrapper." Amen.
Unfortunately, not being a good grin fuck comes with consequences, and Mark's article is a little light on dealing with that backlash.
When you are in business, you're not there to make friends. If everyone took this attitude, there would be no corporate bullshit, no pointless niceties, no pissing about on the phone for half an hour because the other guy can't get to the point, no wondering did you get the job or not after an interview just because the HR guy or girl can't say 'no', no polite rejections by VCs that seem like something positive etc etc
Haha, grin fucking. Same thing happens in academic settings when students make up an excuse about their granny's death. I'm going to use this whenever students come up to me and tell me a sob story about doing better on the next test. I'm gonna say "Jonny, don't grin fuck me".
unfortunately, if they're not lying and simply trying to be even keeled despite the circumstances, then you'll be the asshole instructor with an unpleasant paranoia about being grinfucked.
(next time please use something less emotionally loaded such as "a dog eating their textbook" as your placeholder example)
Trust me on this. It's really easy to tell which students are willing to work and learn the material in order to pass and which students just want to lie their way through.
(I used grannies because that's what happens in the trenches. Nobody complains about dogs any more, thanks to technology and iTech almost everything these days is electronic so the excuse threshold is a bit higher. Anything short of death or serious bodily harm doesn't cut it anymore.)
I feel it is overly broad to completely eliminate "grin fucking" from your repertoire of responses. For example, when presented with a bs-er with powerful friends. GF-ing is a great option. Frankness is not always the best.
Most people aren't grin fucking you because of some inherent moral instability. They're doing it because fighting you over your idea that you're in love with isn't worth it to them. First example he gives, where Manager Bob is getting ignored -- what if the executive simply doesn't need or respect Bob's opinion? He doesn't need to prove to every non-exec that he thinks his idea is good. Unfortunate, but a fact of life in a hierarchical organization.
I like to think of myself as direct and honest, but the overwhelming social norm (at least from what I've seen, on the East Coast of the US) is to pick your battles. If you push back on everything you disagree with, you surprise people and quickly pick up a reputation as argumentative. This is especially true if you engage on issues outside your area of expertise. Programmers telling accounting how to fund benefits? HR telling programmers which hours are "proper" to work? Organizational grunts telling execs which markets to expand into? Even if the outsider is right, it's not worth the time of the expert to fight it, and they'll smile, nod, and hope you go away quickly so they can continue being productive.
By all means, you should stand up and call out the obvious bullshit, but the world is not black and white.