The four facets described in the article are qualities that can be practiced, especially mindfulness and perspective taking. So long as the practice is done deliberately and evaluated honestly, I think a quiet ego is an unavoidable result. (A hint: look out for spasms of defensiveness or other hypocrisy in yourself, since these are exactly the parts which deserve more attention.[1] Don't miss your responses to noticing these things, either. Also look for exactly what in the world you identify with, and what process is involved in this identification, when you refer to 'I'.)
For something more from a particular tradition, "Mindfulness in Plain English" is a reasonably good start.
One confusing thing is the use of the word "ego," by the way. A good working definition is "a belief that the self is more than a mental construct," and so "loud ego" refers to putting this belief at the forefront of one's life. Note that this has nothing to do with believing in a self, the construct of self most certainly exists[2] and is useful (though likely not in the way you think it does or is). This is in contrast to Freudian 'ego' which is, as I understand it, the mediator between superego and subconscious. Like, as an analogy, your stomach is an important organ, but it has its rightful place. There's no need for structuring your life around, elevating, and identifying with the stomach as the seat of conscious experience. (Though we do structure our lives around eating. The stomach, digestive system, and body still need food to exist after all...)
[1] A related feeling which I'm sure people in the knowledge business would recognize is that unpleasant sensation of coming into contact with something confusing. If the goal is understanding a subject, then this is a good indicator for the things which could use more work, but it is surprising how resistant we can be to realizing it: it's as if confusing things sometimes become invisible!
[2] I'm ontologically uncomfortable to be categorically claiming this, but it seems true enough to me.
@kmill on [1] Shame is a curious blend of aversion and ignorance. The dynamic of shame is such that it will actively hide things from you. This "hiding" results in an apparent invisibility (ignorance, that which you ignore).
It's possible to strip out the reaction of shame from confusion. At which point, it will feel like a mental block where things just don't have much clarity and things are not connecting, but you're no longer treating it as something to hide from others.
Sadly, I would say experiencing a great personal tragedy is a "good" way to cultivate it. There really is nothing like the death of a loved one to put everything, including your own place in the world, in perspective.
My 2cents: Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people" will always hold true. Additionally, many books on business relationships. One that comes to mind is, "What they don't teach you at Harvard Business School." Fake it til you make it is a viable self help strategy. But truthfully, I think the best thing to do is to surround yourself with people who represent the values you want to imitate.
I also highly recommand the Dale Carnegie book. People who are reading this, don't dismiss this book based on its quite bad title, the book is actually really good.
@hugh4 thats a fair point and that does happen. It means the people involved are still working their way through things.
It's been my experience, that if I am practicing correctly, the louder the ego, the more intense the meditation. Meditation isn't about seeking out bliss; it's about letting go the things you cling to and seeking out the things you have aversion to. To allow things to arise and pass on their own. Sometimes the ego will get louder and more resistant as things near towards the breakthrough. (And this isn't a one-time event; I've lost count on the number of things that have come up during my practice).
Shame and embarrassment are often one of the first aversions that will come up when it comes time to work with the ego. These are things that you wished you could have said to the other person. These are things that you try to hide from other people, including yourself.
Smugness, the "I know something you don't", is also related to shame and embarrassment. This is the social cue and attitude that triggers the shame and insecurity reflex in other people, the shame of not being in the "in" on things. Now, granted, there are people who just go along and do their thing, and other people will still react to them as if they are smug. But I have met meditators who got into that "smug" phase -- hell, I've been through that phase before too. If you have good friends along this journey, they will help you through that smugness phase, and other difficulties along the way.
Lastly, working with the ego isn't really about defeating it or annihilating it. At it's core, it's the spiritualization of the ego. It's an incredible journey, and the specifics of that journey will be uniquely yours alone.
Quite sincerely, my understanding of the Soto zen tradition is "Sit & face the wall. Sit sincerely. Just sit." Everything else is extra. Include the new age hippy bullshit ugh. Including this judgment! Including this pride I take in displaying such wonderous knowledges about something as simple as sitting & facing the wall. lol :)
In buddhism, it's been about simply finding ones own mind, free of cultural conditioning & habits. To do this, one practices "let it go". This is the similarity in all traditions - in Zen it might be the "Mu" koan.
You can do that bit by bit. Everyday, do one thing that you really don't want to do. Everyday, refrain from doing something that you want to do and can do.
If you want to go hardcore, expand this circle of do's and don'ts over the course of a month. By the end of the month, you'll be living as an ascetic, and that is when you'll know you have mastery over yourself.
Then every year repeat this asceticism for about 1-2 weeks. Withdraw from the world, read and write, eat one meal a day. That way your control over yourself keeps strong.
Acting out of generosity sometimes seems to help. It is important that your are actually being generous, though, as it is very easy to lend a helping hand in a way that feeds the ego.
Yes, this book! I don't recall reading a book with such frequency. I think once I read it cover to cover 3 days in a row - it's full of... I don't know!
Also, I made this mistake too for awhile, the author of "Zen Mind, Beginners Mind" is S.Suzuki, not D.T. Suzuki - different folks, both responsible for establishing Zen practices in the West.
"smarter than you" this requires an idea of the ego / self & ones smartness - this itself could then be something you take virtue in - like "I am cultivating egolessness by spending time with smarter people" lol :) [1]
I think Wittgenstein hit the nail on the head when he said that the most profound philosophical truths can only be told in the form of jokes. This is the origin of humor in happy people.
EDIT: [1] A lot of what I find so amusing in the Zen tradition is that it is so good at articulating these jokes/truths in a minimum amount of words & its rejection of philosophical musing, etc.
